What I Want...

Ever struggle with wanting something so bad, only to have it sift through your fingers? Of course you have...and if your answer is still "no" after my emphatic "of course you have" then we need to talk (I want to learn your secret).

Without going into all the juicy details I'll admit that I lost something this evening that I've wanted for quite a while. I also don't see much hope in ever regaining what I thought I wanted (even still do want).

I'll let you all know, that I realize the problem I'm facing is my own darn fault. I know that in order to make it all better I've got to be looking for a different answer. It just so happens that I've got that answer staring me right in the face (at this very moment).

Ephesians 3:20-21
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."

Now I'm sure you'll be wanting your explanation. Well here goes, to the best of my ability I'll try and explain my random thought process.

I'll start by saying we all have this tendency to read, pay attention, or hear just what we want to. I for one have read the above passage more times than I could possibly count and each time my attention always focused on the line, "...to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine..." That was like my "genie in a bottle" passage. I'd ask for the deepest desire of my heart and if God didn't come through with it, I could take that as a promise that He was going to one up me with something even better.

Here's a little secret about women, most single christian females view this passage as a promise when facing the heartbreak of another failed relationship. We smile through our tears and say, well that guy wasn't for me, that just means God's got someone even better for me. I'm not saying that we're reading this wrong, but it's just that WE'RE READING IT WRONG!! Why is the comment always, "God must have SOMEONE better for me"? Shouldn't it be more like, "God has got SOMETHING better for me"?

I don't want to limit God's power in my life by telling Him that it's better that I have someone and not something. In keeping with the real honest theme I've got going here, I can't say that it isn't hard to let go of an idea that it needs to be "someone".

Okay, now I'm just getting really off track from my original thought. As I was saying earlier we all have a tendency to hear just what we want to and to tune out all the rest. I realized this evening that I had been turning a blind eye to much of what the above passage said all these years. That passage was about HIM (God), not about ME (Jenn)!!! All these years I read it like it was about what God would do for me. Tonight for the first time I understood that it was about what I was doing for God (albeit through His power - hey I'm nothing compared to Him what did I think I could do on my own). Through His power in my life I'm to be bringing glory to God.

That's just the reminder I needed tonight. No wallowing in self-pity for Jenn over things I can't have. I just needed to remember that I'm here to be bringing glory and honor to God. I'm feeling better already!!